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ahhhh!!!! update!!   
11:43pm 16/06/2005

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soooo cute! <3   
01:45am 24/04/2005
mood: awake
hopefully within the next month or so i will have one!!!
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anywhere but here....   
05:41pm 12/04/2005
mood: blah
I seem to update on this thing every 6 months or so.. I'm such a slacker!! Well sadly nothing new is happening in my life. I've been trying to work as many hrs as possible so i don't have to live pay check by pay check.. which i end up doing anyways.. uhm.. I decided that for now I'm going to probably enroll at MATC since it's much more affordable w/my budget and maybe i'll actually stick to it this time!!! (crosses fingers)
Life w/the roomates has been interesting.. Jon Jon our newest roomie has been paying his rent late, which is soo frustrating because I'm the one in charge of rent. Emily used to be until she got in some argument w/chris and whatever so yeh.. that put me in charge. I would LOVE to get a new roomate who is actually responsible and cleans up after him/herself but no one has money.. just like him.. ugh.. everything has to be so damn difficult.
Jimmy and I are on somewhat good terms now.. I really don't know what to think of the situation. He says he wants to be friends, which is fine. But then about a month ago he mentions that he might want to go back out w/me, which made me extatic! We end up talking about it and he tells me that he wants to be w/me but doesn't want the responsibility for my emotions... i was like "hrm.. so.. basically you want to be friends.. but still fuck all the time.. right?" and of course he denied it.. i really don't understand guys. I don't know why i keep holding on to him either. cuz i'm sure that once i show no interest whatsoever towards him, it'd make him want me more. whatever.. i'm done w/guys..

until next time.....
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forgot this was here...   
03:51pm 16/12/2004
mood: crushed
so i haven't updated in forever!!! oh livejournal! how i've missed you!!! heh.. yeh, not really but we'll pretend, okay? so life isn't much better these days. I've been working up a storm, which is wonderful cuz' i can pay for school and bills. Love life can suck a fattie cuz' my ex already found a new girlfriend and i'm here left alone... i haven't been single for the holidays for 4 yrs... it fucking blows!! i hate feeling lonely.. granted i do have my family and friends.. it's just not the same.. i love spending it w/that special someone... cuddling up to them... bahh... i'm still workin on getting over jim but it's going to be a long process. i love him w/all my heart still and he's already over me.. in a matter of 3 weeks. i'm just so excited to see what the new year will bring me this time.. aren't i just a positive ray of sunshine guys? i love it. ugh...
you make me wanna LA LA!!!   
01:06pm 13/08/2004
mood: aggravated
so my life has been very hectic... I recently moved to the eastside w/3 other roomates, turned 21, and trying to go back to school... I get stressed out sooo easily and it gets so frustrating. I really need to learn how to calm myself down instead of having a nervous breakdown every other day. My mother is the worst of all. All she wants is for me to graduate college.. and that's what i want as well. I want to be able to get a good stable job instead of working at marshall fields the rest of my life. But she thinks i'm doing it to make her happy.. which is quite the contrary.. i'm doing it for MY future.. for MY well being.. not to make her shut up. She doesn't realize that though.. cuz' she never LISTENS to a godamn thing i have to say. and she has the nerve to bring up the fact that i don't get a single penny if she dies and i haven't graduated college.. That's supposed to make me go to school?!? cuz' otherwise i don't get money when she fucking dies?! i'd be a horrible daughter if that was my motive to go back. GOD!! so my mother is ridiculous and is pretty much the cause of my stress. her and money. I'm sooooo broke. I have 5 parking tickets to pay off cuz' parking on the east side is just ridiculous.. and i had to pay to get my car outta the tow lot as well. I HATE money.. so yes.. that's all for my ranting and bitching..
big whooptie dooo...   
03:21pm 26/07/2004
  so friday is my 21st b-day. I've been waiting what seems like an eternity for this age to come and i'm not excited one fucking bit. I'm moving that whole weekend, i'm broke, and i really don't expect any presents from anyone. I feel that my b-day will be an utter disappointment but hey.. maybe someone will surprise me..? highly doubtful. I believe i'm done with being optimistic. i'm just gonna expect the worst so when the worst comes.. i'm not as let down. i'm sick and tired of everything...  
*la la la..*   
03:18pm 14/06/2004
How to make a clockwork_punk

1 part competetiveness

5 parts arrogance

3 parts beauty
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Top it off with a sprinkle of lustfulness and enjoy!
mMmm... water....   
02:06pm 07/05/2004
mood: pleased
So i keep seeing commercials that FAME is coming to town for only a week and i desperately need to go. I have not been to any theatrical performance since... uhm.... i can't even REMEMBER the last time.. that is soooo horrible... I'm gonna have to try and convince my b/f to come w/me! lol otherwise i'll just go by myself, damn it!
this sucks..   
04:03pm 26/04/2004
mood: anxious
okay so i just totally wrote out a great entry and Live journal decided to erase it all.. fuckers.. i'm way too lazy to write it all again but here are some pics i'll post... enjoy!Collapse )
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i'm a loser baby... so why don't you kill me...   
01:00pm 19/04/2004
mood: grumpy
So I had an interview today at Marshall Field's and I think I totally bombed it. It was going really well until she asked me to "sell" her a pen on her desk and i choked. I was all "uhm.. here's a green pen... uhm... it's durable... yeh... and here's a stapler to go w/it.." I was horrid!! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for her to call me back but i highly doubt it. Lately I've had no confidence in myself whatsoever and i don't know how to change that. I'm so caught up in succeeding in life but i have no clue what to succeed in. Sure i would LOVE to major in merchandising and become a buyer but do i really have the drive to do it?

I am OBSSESSED w/my body and not even in a good way either. I am constantly looking in the mirror trying to see if i've lost any more weight.. since i have no scale. I've been doing pilates everyday and trying to watch what i eat and it still seems like my fat isn't vanishing. It's getting really frustrating.. I still can't believe i have gained 30 some lbs. sine my dad's death. I guess i'm the type to eat my sorrow away.. whatev... i'm slowly but surely getting over it.

I've been finding myself bored ALOT lately. Maybe it's because none of my friends are willing to take time out of their precious schedule to have dinner w/me or something. My friend Allie who i've been friends w/for 4 yrs or so ALWAYS dodges the chance to go out w/me. We used to be glued to the hip and now she could care less.. it really fucking pisses me off!! it seems like i don't matter to her anymore and i thought i was one of her closest friends.. ugh!! And whenever i try to meet new friends it just seems to never work out. I'm really sick of being alone. I used to think of myself as a fun, go-lucky person but now.. i'm just feeling useless.
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happy easter   
02:41pm 11/04/2004
mood: determined
I haven't really updated in a few so here i go..:

This morning I went to brunch w/my mom and we met up w/her best friend and her family. It was very nice! We dined at 3rd street pier and there was just soo much food i didn't know where to start! I just ended up having lots of fruit and eggs benedict. very yummy! And now here I am at my mom's all alone because she had to go to work. Brunch was interesting and kind of enlightened me. My mom's best friend's daughter was just talking the whole time about school and blah blah blah... She's a super nice girl, don't get me wrong but man.. she talked the WHOLE time... Ohh!! She said she could get me a job! which made me sooo happy! I'm thinking if the whole thing w/Marshall Fields doesn't work out then I can ask her for the job. It's at some restaurant called "the melting pot" out in brookfield. She told me that if i worked my ass off for a week i'd cash in almost $700! I'm SOO down for that. I'm soo broke and I still need to find an apt AND pay off my debt!

But anywhoo...

I FINALLY decided what i want to go to school for. I'm thinking I can stick out my Pharmacy Tech. program a little longer so I'll have a higher paying job while going to school and living on my own. I decided my major will be.... *drum roll* Merchandising!! I'm actually hoping that if i happen to get the job at Marshall Fields i'll have the opportunity to work up and gain some experience while going to school for it. I'm really excited and I'm so full of drive to succeed that it almost feels... wrong..? cuz'it's been so long since i've had this drive in me. All i really want out of life is to be truely happy and do what i enjoy doing. I could care less about how much i would make. money sucks anyways..
i found this on someone else's lj and thought i'd give it a try.. i'm bored..   
04:51pm 10/04/2004
mood: weird
Today was really great.
I got out of bed really early because I had terrible stomach cramps.

I feel sad, because Sarah and Britney are complete bitches. They told everyone I have an STD, just because I slept with both of their boyfriends on Saturday night.

I'm so stoned.

Last night I had to shave my entire body. Apparently, the lice that I caught from Amanda's friend are really hard to get rid of. I look quite strange with no hair and eyebrows. I'd post pictures, but my webcam is broken.

I want to tell the world that I love you all! You're all so special to me!

I am making this journal friends only because I don't want the world to read what I'm writing, even though I'm posting it on the internet.

Today, I got a digital camera! Yes! I'm so ugly. Don't look at my photos pleeeeeze.

I want to say thanks to the world for absolutely fucking nothing! You all suck. I feel so alone, no one ever reads this journal, or even comments to let me know that I'm not suffering alone. It's cold here, and I want to die, but I cannot figure out how many of you to take with me when I go.

I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said I have bipolar disorder, which makes me different enough to be interesting, but the same as all the other cool people with bipolar disorder.

You should all do this quiz! It's amazingly accurate. You just put in your name and birthday, and it will tell you what your favourite sexual position is.

it's so beautiful outside!!

That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with this thought - sharing your life with strangers on the internet is the cheapest form of therapy available. Leave a comment and tell me I'm beautiful.

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*hi.. my name is jessica.. and i'm a shopaholic*   
03:05pm 02/04/2004
mood: awake
Chicago was absolutely amazing the other day! My friend chris made us leave later than i wanted to but it was still soo much fun! First we went to Custo Barcelona (the only store in the U.S., mind you!:) and it was sooo adorable! i found a little pink blazer that i wanted w/all this cool imbroidery but it ended up being $300.. i was soo sad.. but THEN! we went to H&M and i thought i died and went to heaven. It was 3 floors!! we spent at least 2 hours in that store and i only ended up buying 2 things!! i couldn't believe it.. i'll definatly post pictures later! yay! and then we got tired from walking and being on the subway so we went to his friend Dan's apartment and just chilled till the rush hour traffic would be over with. I definately plan on heading down there soon! i would give anything to move down there and go to school.
*shoes are like air to me..*   
03:58pm 30/03/2004
mood: happy
i won these shoes the other day on e-bay and i can't wait to wear them!!!
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what to do.. what to do...   
12:01am 30/03/2004
mood: awake
Lately I've been thinking A LOT of how I would like to spend my future. Since I can remember I've wanted to be a buyer for some high end clothing store like Saks or something but I have no clue where to start. I think I'm the type of person that can achieve anything but the other half of me is ALWAYS doubting and second guessing choices that I've made. It gets so confusing and I end up at square one.. again!

On another note I took my first trip to the gyno and i was crazy scared. I was happy to be put on birth control pills tho! Yay!! My cramps get sooo ungodly and she said that the pills would help a lot. Also it doesn't hurt to be extra careful of not having babies.. heh

I get to go shopping on Wed. in Chi-town w/my lovely friend Christamopher! H&M, here i come!!!!!!!!!!

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04:53pm 26/03/2004
  I have some clothes that i'm trying to get rid of and rather than just throwing them away i wanted to see if anyone would buy them from me! so here it goes..

Click to Check it out!!Collapse )
12:16pm 22/03/2004
mood: discontent
The other day when i was on my way to my mom's i saw a huge crowd of people holding signs and i was all "what the fuck is going on?!" it turned out to be some peace rally and it looked kinda cool cuz' they were standing in front of the art museum.. i dunno.. anyways once i got to my mom's i looked out the balcony to see if i could get a picture of the rally but all of a sudden when i looked directly down i saw this... It's made out of those little american flags. i think they did a pretty good job! so yeh.. and also i guess i'm single now which sux.. but i guess it was meant to be. it's just weird that we're going to still try and be friends.. we'll see what happens.. whatev.. that's all i can say..
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04:03pm 21/03/2004
mood: thirsty
i need direction like no other. i feel like i'm stuck at a fork in the road and there are 30 paths to choose from. do i really have the balls to pick up and move somewhere foreign to me? do i have the balls to do anything? i'm setting myself a time limit on which path i should take and i know i'll choose the right one... at least i hope so.. hrm...
change can be good..   
11:54pm 15/03/2004
mood: cynical
so i had some time on my hands and decided to brighten up my precious lj! i ♥ the twin stars but what do you think?
01:26pm 15/03/2004
  so life if boring as usual and i still need a job and a place to live.. things are just super fucking fantastic.. i need a cigarette and a coca-cola reeeally bad. ugh...